First contact with the woodmen in Westerwald

If you meet one of the strange, funny woodmen in the Westerwald you should be alarmed. This situation might be very, very dangerous. This holds for your humble live as well as for the other life form. Here are some hints that you should know about, when trying to survive one of these encounters!

A male Westerwaelder, 7 foot tall, 350 pounds - an average adult

Yes, they do look a little strange and funny, and yes, their behaviour reminds us to some stupid pets. But you should not mistaken this! An encounter with one of the people living in the Westerwald could easily end lethal for you. This species has enormous physical strenght, but their brains are not really build to control this strength. This means that you are close to lose some necessary parts of your body (they do fancy heads and livers - despite they should have learned that these are very likely to be poisonous). To put it short: Be very, very cautious when meeting these things!

Despite there are not many known facts about the behaviours of the woodpeople, there are some basic rules that might help you to survive an encounter with one of these things (damages can not always be avoided). Basicly the same holds as when you are meeting a drunken, injured grizzly bear. Additionaly you should know:

The three basic rules to survive an encounter with a Westerwaelder

  1. Don't panic! The probabilty to survive a meeting with a Westerwaelder is significant above thirty percent. This is much better than in a meeting with an average assassin!

  2. If you have potatoes, beer or any other kind of alcohol with you, you should place it, with slow movements to ground in front of you. It is very likely that the Westerwaelder realises that this is his usual food and therfore it is easier to digest than your old, rotten body.

  3. There is a standard procedure which takes place whenever two Westerwaelder meet. It starts always with the same dialogue::

    ---- A: "Unn?!" ("So?")
    ---- B: "Jou. Oenn dau?" ("Fine. How about you?!")
    ---- A: "Och." ("Fine.")
    ---- B: "Aija da." ("Well, then.")
    ---- A: "Njoh." ("Yep.")

    After these words all information is exchanged. Now there are only three things that can happen. First: The two Westerwaelder go into different directions and think some weeks about the things that were said. Second: The two stick together and start drinking until they fall to the ground. Third: They start fighting until they fall to the ground.

    If you meet a Westerwaelder and he is not hungry and he recognises you as something alive and he has learned to speak, he might try to get into contact with you. Therefore you should learn the dialogue above by heart. If you are a lucky one, he will just let you go afterwards. Well, if he want's to drink or to fight with you... ...well, your suffering won't be to long.

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